To Survive Politically Musalia And Wetangula Must Disassociate Themselves With DP Ruto On Referendum

By Jacktone Ambuka

I just read a story in today’s Daily Nation newspaper claiming that Kenya’s deputy president William Ruto has successfully convinced Mudavadi and Wetangula to be on his (Ruto) side in rejecting amendments to the constitution. My unsolicited advise for Mudavadi and Wetangula is that they should quickly disassociate themselves with William Ruto on four accounts.

First, William Ruto has got zero credibility in the fight for constitutional dispensation. He doesn’t understand the importance of the rule of law. He thrives in a culture of political shenanigans and corruption that characterizes Kenya’s politics. His record on advocating for a just, constitutional and equal society is in tatters.

Importantly, it’s Ruto’s insatiable appetite to amass wealth by all means necessary that ruins his public reputation for any moral leader to stand alongside him (Ruto) on any issue leave alone an issue as important as amending the constitution.

Secondly, world over, constitutional amendment is a nationally accredited exercise that happens when it’s required in accordance with the wishes of citizens. That’s why amendment clauses are contemplated in every constitution.

Third, constitutions world over are regarded as living documents that must be routinely revisited to align them with evolving cultural expectations of a given society. Constitutions are not static. Neither are they cast in stones. Rather, they are dynamic. To make them more responsive to the needs of citizens, they must be amended.

Fourth, in the wake of implementation of Kenya’s constitution, it is undeniable that we’ve detected lacunas and ambivalences that needs to be amended to fine tune it into ecstatic living document.

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Dear Nairobi House Wives, You Can Be Irritating A Times, You Deserve ill Treatment By Husbands, Nkt !

House Wives

A Cadre of women who deserve a dose of tough love rant that hopefully will knock some sense into their skulls are the house wives.

A woman can be a house wife owing to a number of reasons; some men do not prefer working class women out of personal insecurities, she might have lost her job or some have nada skills or talent for anything and so have resigned to taking care of the house full time.

Being a house wife is not something to frown about as much as I may not encourage it because people have different struggles. Here though is my issue with most of them.

A clique have a phobia for hygiene, both personal and the general house cleanliness. If they are lactating, they will smell of baby poop with a huge map of Angola on their blouses thanks to breast milk leaking like IEBC memos.

Hubby enters the house and is welcomed gleefully by a dirty sufuria on the door and the pungent odour of soiled napkins kept under the bed.

Some do not even shower, they spend the entire day exercising their innate strength which is gossiping with other lazy house wives and house helps. They know who last cooked Nyama two week ago, who wears poorly designed vitenge, who is sleeping with the butcher man, who has procured abortions and when you come home at 9 PM is when she is struggling to make dinner and you wonder, what was she doing the whole day!

Speaking of food, you leave five hundred bob for meals and you find Sukuma for supper, she uses the rest to buy bundles and chat the whole day on Kilimani mums and other stupid chama WhatsApp groups where money matters constitute only 6% while the rest of the discourse is on abusing husbands.

“Hiki ki nugu kangu hata kinafikirianga kama shoste anatiwa rasa, imagine kimeleta sister yake ati aishi na sisi, kazi ni kukula na kufirwa na majirani, haezi osha sahani” and the rest of battalion with hot cow dung for brains reply with laughing emojis.

She forgets that you are educating her four siblings and sending money to her mother every month but catches feelings when you bring one relative over.

They’re also the petty lot who will deny you your conjugal rights when you are not financially buoyant e.g when you are servicing a loan, they become easily irritated, emotionally abusive and juvenile.

If she denies you mali yako because mwezi iko kwa corner na huna pesa ya salon ama ya nyama, you have my permission, kula maid ama that office colleague who has been nyemelearing you and eat with no apologies.

Then there are those who are house wives but have housemaids, still they cannot lift a finger to do anything. The maid washes her under garments including those of her man, makes the meals, makes her MATRIMONIAL BED and serves her husband while she is seated warming her hairy punani on the couch. Useless women these are.

A maid MUST NEVER make your bed even if you are the CEO of Heaven or touch you or your hubby’s under garments.

She can cook but please, wacheni hii ujinga ya emancipation serve your hubby, it is an honor, it will not take away your masters or position in the corporate world… you hear team affirmative action?

And finally, because they have nothing much to do, they have unbridled primitive energy to snoop phones; they will wait for you to fall asleep to steal from your wallet and pick quarrels over the flimsiest of things. Halafu they time when you want to sleep after a long day hustling to feed her ass before she starts.

‘Wewe baba Liam, unadhani mimi ni mjinga, utumie mamako pesa na mimi sina kibeti, pesa unakula na Malaya huko nje’ then she starts crying.

And you wonder why husbands come home at 11 pm or keep gachungwas. Badilisha tabia.

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SHOCKING REVELATIONS: Dennis Itumbi Exposed BADLY By Activist Boniface Mwangi

By Boniface Mwangi
I have known Itumbi for about 10 years. After I left The Standard Group in 2008, Itumbi and I would freelance as journalists for the people he now falsely refers to as ‘evil society.’ That was before Twitter — and we would only argue about politics on Facebook.

In May 2012, Itumbi was accused of hacking the International Criminal Court (ICC) website. He was arrested. I called him to warn him to be careful when working for politicians. I could tell he was a pawn in a bigger scheme. In 2013, when Uhuru Kenyatta was elected president, I met Itumbi after he was appointed Digital Director at State House — although he had not yet been confirmed. He confided in me that his appointment was being contested by certain career civil servants. To these lads, Itumbi was unqualified for the position.

I advised Itumbi to stay strong — and recommended books for him to read. I also advised him to keep a journal so that he could write a memoir afterwards. Looking back over the past five years, I now believe that those senior civil servants were right. Itumbi had a front row seat in President Uhuru’s election and has gone on to become the most rabid abuser and creator of hashtags aimed at discrediting anyone he thought was opposed to the President.

Itumbi’s arguments are not based on law, facts or logic, but emotions and hype. October 24, 2013, I was being interviewed by Jeff Koinange, and the topic of political assassinations came up. I said that Bogonko Bosire, who had disappeared a month earlier, was missing. Jeff Koinange insisted he wasn’t, and that Itumbi knew where he was. At the time Itumbi was accused of hacking the ICC websites, the names of witnesses who were to testify against President Uhuru and his Deputy, William Ruto, would surface on a website called Jackal News, run by Bogonko. Word is, Bogonko was to be arrested, but because he knew too much and he was also an alcoholic, there was a risk that he could flip, and so he had to be dealt with.

Five years later, Bogonko is still missing. Meanwhile, Itumbi was compensated for “illegal arrest and detention” in the 2012 arrest. Albert Muriuki, who worked at State House, also disappeared three months after Bogonko went missing. Muriuki had worked as an intern at the International Criminal Court (ICC) before being appointed to State House. Whereas Bogonko and Muriuki were “disappeared”, low level people who were supposed to testify at the ICC were hunted by a police squad called Kwekwe and shot dead.

ICC witnesses were systemically targeted for killing.Many witnesses recanted their testimonies, while others were paid off. And if you’re wondering how ICC suspects knew who to kill or target, two employees from the Kenya National Commission on Human Rights (KNCHR) sold the ICC report for millions, leading to people being targeted.

In matters lying, in 2014 Itumbi went on national TV and accused me of teargassing Lang’ata Primary School children. A big lie. Teargas is only imported by the State and civilian possession of it is a crime. If his lie had been based on facts, I would have been arrested and charged. I wasn’t. So Dennis Itumbi is a proven liar.

Itumbi reminds me of Joseph Goebbels, Hitler’s chief of propaganda. Itumbi has no problem falsely accusing people of things they haven’t done. He has been leading in labeling judges and activists as an “axis of evil”. He is doing that with the sole aim to destroy people’s reputations. He knows it’s not true, because it’s the same courts that released him when he was arrested back in 2012 and then recently awarded him KSh5 million in damages for illegal arrest and detention. When Itumbi isn’t insulting judges and activists online, you will find him on Twitter pushing drives to raise money for a patient in India, when his boss, Uhuru Kenyatta, has KSh54.9 billion in the health budget.

And Itumbi’s silly narrative that activists are paid by the west is pure hogwash. Just because he is paid with our taxes doesn’t mean that we have to be paid by foreigners to ask government to be accountable. Why does he forget that our government is donor funded? The Judiciary, Kenya Police, public education and even the free condoms you use for sex, are all funded by external donors.

To Kenyans in the diaspora, Dennis Itumbi supposedly works for you. Our hard-earned taxes pay his salary. Yet he has done nothing for you. He hasn’t fought for your right to vote. He hasn’t made it easier for you to get your passports. You still can’t invest easily in Kenya without fearing that you will be swindled. It’s time you asked President Uhuru to appoint some brains to represent you. Remember Itumbi supported Miguna’s deportation; at the very least he should have remained quiet. So, if you’re a dual citizen, know that the Senior Director of Innovation, Digital and Diaspora Communication in the Office of the President doesn’t care about you.

Itumbi’s gamble to sell his soul paid off, but for how long? The evil we do catches up with us

Follow “>Boniface Mwangi on Facebook and read more of his expoze posts

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Governor Sonko Faces Prosecution As Interior PS Karanja Kibicho Recalls County Boss Security Motorcade

Nairobi Governor Mike Sonko is facing arrest and prosecution after Interior PS Karanja Kibicho started a new war over the use of sirens and chase cars by Governors.

Kibicho has directed all county police chiefs to ensure no Governor is allowed to use sirens and chase cars, a move which endangers the lives of all the 47 governors.

The Interior PS is also reportedly behind the move by Bunge La Mwananchi to plan for a criminal case against Sonko for using a siren and a flag on his official vehicle. The PS through the amorphous Civil Society group wants Sonko to remove national flag from his official car, yet NASA governors fly national flags on their vehicles. The group also wants Sonko to be prosecuted.

It’s recalled late Nyeri governor Wahome Gakuru died in a road crash because he didn’t have a lead car to clear traffic and also indicate that all is clear in the road ahead.

Sonko’s troubles are not new, since it’s recalled the governor was only cleared by CID to get clearance certificate in 2017 in order vie for the gubernatorial seat after President Uhuru intervened. CID bosses courtesy of Kibicho wanted to block Sonko from the Jubilee primaries on grounds that he was facing several criminal cases contrary to the real situation.

Kibicho was backing Peter Kenneth in the Jubilee primaries last year, but his man failed miserably in the JP nominations and defected to contest as an independent candidate.

Meanwhile Nairobi Chiefs have been ordered by Kibicho to sabotage the Nairobi County government’s implementation of the regeneration of programme. In an audio recording in our possession, that was leaked by one of the chiefs from Eastlands, the PS was overheard telling the chiefs to ensure they disrupt City Hall activities across the county.

Last week one chief was arrested by police while mobilizing a gang to stone City Hall officials who were demolishing illegal structures at Muthurwa Market as part of the Nairobi regeneration programme.

However the chief (pictured above) was mysteriously released from custody without facing any charges.

Last week during the burial of late multi party hero Ken Matiba, Kibicho is reported to have hired goons to shout down Muranga Senator Irungu Kangata when he mentioned Sonko’s name but the plan flopped when the mourners cheered Irungu after he mentioned Sonko’s name.

The PS Kibicho vs Sonko war started after the governor refused to pick his deputy from a list of preferred nominees he forwarded to the governor that included among others Peter Kenneth and Agnes Kagure.

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Dear DP Ruto, Luo Community and Raila Odinga OWE YOU NOTHING, May Be Mt Kenya Owes You Something

A narrative is being peddled by some politicians that Raila and Odinga and his Luo community owes DP Ruto and the Rift Valley votes as a return favor in regards to 2007 election in which hustler was one of the five pentagon members that campaign for Raila then the ODM presidential candidate.

The Nyanza/Luos owes Ruto is a tune the region will not dance to especially if the lyrics are hinged on matters of “returning favors.”

It is a cinch that Ruto stood with Raila during the 2007 elections and afterwards, Raila Odinga and in extension Luo Nyanza owes Ruto absolutely nothing, the debts if any had been paid both by the community and its top leader.

Raila when he became Prime Minister during the grand coalition following his stolen victory paid his debts to Rift Valley by appointing many of their sons and daughters to prime positions in government, unlike Uhuru who appointed 70% his Mt Kenya tribesmen and gave DP Ruto only 25% in 2013 and 2017, Raila gave Kalenjins more than 40% of his share of government; DP Ruto got the biggest Agriculture and Livestock development Ministry that he chose himself and which had more than 40 Parastatals that he controlled as minister.

Others appointed ministers were: Prof. Helen Jepkemoi Sambili, Dr Sally Kosgey, Frankline Bett, Musa Sirma, and Henry Kosgey. Also in the list were several prominet Kalenjins who got appointed as PSs, ambassadors, commissioners into constitutional commissions, parastatal head, military and Police etc.

Kalenjins should quit selective amnesia and wear the cloak of truth. No one chased DP Ruto from ODM. The vindictive man (DP Ruto) who practices politics of wielded daggers left the party in a fit of pique because Musalia Mudavadi had been appointed as a Deputy Prime. Mudavadi at the time deserved the position by virtue of having been Raila’s running mate.

Even before he left and formed his UDM, he became a mole who joined the Kibaki’s side of administration in undermining the then Prime Minister and would often side with the PNU legislators with an impeccable case in point is when he sided with Kibaki and the then Deputy Prime Minster on Kibaki’s side Uhuru Kenyatta in frustrating attempts to resettle non Kikuyu and Kalenjins IDPs.

As we speak, Luo IDPs have never been compensated unlike Kikuyu and Kalenjins who got lands and lump sum amounts of money that buoyed their attempts at starting life after the post election violence.

It is also an open secret that Mama Ngina Kenyatta paid Ruto to join Uhuru in Jubilee coalition bringing on board his new outfit URP ahead of the 2013 race. Luo community has had to stomach the painful insults Ruto has rained on Raila-mganga, ule jamaa wa vitendawili and he only went slow after the repeat elections when he realized the Mzee could still beat them hands down and of course he knows he is out for votes in line with his own ambitions.

Ruto and his partners in crime denied the community a deserved stab at the Presidency when his bot, one Davis Chirchir led the technical team that stole Raila’s votes in 2013 and 2017.

We know he is using poll losers in Nyanza bitter at ODM to test waters if Luo Nyanza would support him, they must and should change tact- Raila and Luo owe Ruto and Rift Valley nothing. Let him seek forgiveness from Raila and Luos first then beg us for votes.

By Scophine Otieno

Facebook – Scophine Otieno

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WHY Governor Sonko CONQUERS Nairobi Despite Opposition By The Greedy Mt. Kenya Mafia

By Albert Nyakundi Amenya aka Banana Peddler

If you love or hate him, if you countenance or discountenance his meritorious character, you are at liberty to decide. They wise say a drop of ink makes a million think. But, I am neither dropping mine to bedazzle anyone, nor am I hired to extol someone.

However, I can readily demonstrate that Nairobi Governor Mike Mbuvi also rechristened as Sonko, has proved both haters and pundits wrong following his generous activities to jumpstart the economic lives of the underprivileged.

Whoever thought nothing good can come out of a parentless child, need to re-examine his pathetic illusions. Sonko’s charitableness is buttressed by the fact that he transcends religion and tribe.

Since Sonko joined the political football as a striker, he has scored countless hat tricks more than any other player in form of development. Since he was birthed politically not long ago, he has been growing successful and victorious by the day. Without a doubt, I can implacably confess – even by affording unassailable evidence – that the gates of hell cannot prevail against this man because the great gods, who nursed and nurtured the bigheartedness in him, have not misplaced their vision. Rather, they keep injecting new ideas and fresh energy that keep the flames of selflessness in him burning unrelentingly. That’s this inspirational bloke is doing exactly what he was meant to do in this life.

Mt. Kenya Mafia are not happy that Sonko is the Governor f Nairobi. They have gone as far as diverting the rain waters from filling Ndakaini so that when the rains stop, Nairobians will lack water and blame their governor.

But From KAKUMA to MBOONI, Mombasa to Malaba, Kisumu to Isebania, Nairobi to Kisii, Machakos to Garissa, everyone knows the game by these people from the mountain. They know well that Sonko denied them an opportunity to fleece the county with their corrupt tendencies. That is why Igathe left. But the people trust Sonko. Nairobians have seen change in him and they tand with him. No wonder he managed to marshal close to a million voter soldiers that sent him to the helm of Nairobi leadership as Governor.

Despite the massive multiplication of character snipers, Governor Sonko’s unwavering extraordinary account of good deeds will permanently remain unexpurgated. As the English say “A good example is the best sermon” Remember this is the man who paid in full baby Scandy’s surgery fiefs in India among others.

Nevertheless, even the recent Nazification of his character and reputation by Mt. Kenya hate-mongers for hire is totally unsuccessful.

To demonstrate his unflagging commitment to the betterment of health care among Kenyans, Governor Sonko has set up private gut-wrenching rescue team that responds resoundingly to all sorts of emergencies free of charge. Strikingly, such dutiful gesture is undoubtedly a personified commitment worthy of emulation. But those brothers of ours are envious of this too.

Truthfully speaking, no human is perfect and the Nairobi governor is no exception. In fact, in Gusii land where I was birthed thirty something years ago, my antecedents used to advice that “Even the King’s anus has some odour no matter how flamboyant he looks” The governor just like any human being, has his shortcomings too. But since a good name is better than a good face, his good deeds neutralizes all. After all “A calm sea never made a skilled mariner”

A good leader leads at the battlefront and not the one who makes mountains out of molehills by giving petty excuses on why he cannot tour troubled parts areas of his domain. Once a poor young man, H.E. the governor understands pretty well that a day of sorrow is longer than a month of joy.

When his people are calamitously struck, Governor Sonko despite the time, place, weather and nature of the calamity, is always at the forefront to ensure serenity is restored. Just like Everett Dirksen, Governor Sonko is a man of fixed principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times.

The exceptional enterprises performed by this maverick and venturesome politician have birthed adversaries from within and without his political spheres. The incomparable activities Sonko has partaken in are the best defense against any unholy tribal alliances fashioned against him.

Call him whatever you want, anything – but Sonko’s character will forever gladden the great people of Nairobi.

Many say that this man should go for the presidency. Peradventure, he is the man to save this country; there is no gainsaying the fact. If governor Mike is an example of a thief, then we should have more of those thieves. If Sonko pilfers from the rich and shares it among the impecunious/poor, what is the big deal?

Other economic robbers, who claim they are elected to serve, should emulate the sterling example of this man and desist from gross of public offices. After all, he who fails to learn is not wise. What Sonko has done is ultimately unrivalled no matter how hard Mt. Kenya crackpots launch opposing diatribes against him.

If this we had only 100 Sonkos, this country would be the best place to live. He has set a new standard of excellence for Kenyans to strive toward and Nairobians and Kenyans owe this man of the moment, a huge debt of gratitude. Long live Governor Sonko.

albertamenya@yahoo.com
(The writer sells Bananas in the streets of Kisii Town)

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Drama: Hired Goons Disrupt Pro-Governor Sonko Press Conference

By Nephat Kinyua

Divisions within the Nairobi Central Business District Association displayed openly on Monday morning when factions in the moribund organization clashed in front of TV cameras.

Former Nairobi Governor hopeful Timothy Muriuki, who wants to take over the association was forced to flee from a press conference he had convened at Boulevard Hotel hotel on Monday morning.

Muriuki who was the convener of the press conference, had invited the media to defend Nairobi Governor Mike Sonko from cartels who are frustrating his efforts to restore the City’s lost glory. The goons who disrupted the press conference are linked to the former Nairobi governor and a senior civil servant based at Harambee house.

Muriuki is a former Nairobi governor hopeful in the 2017 election but his bid flopped after he failed to qualify for the Jubilee Party primaries.

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DP Ruto’s Political Matrix Dismantled, Must Now Lie Low , Support Handshake To Be Deputy Prime Minister In 2022

By Kiberenge Jnr

The common determinant of political formations and equations in Kenya is Raila Odinga. Political pundits, analysts and scientists will be crossing their fingers and splitting their hairs waiting, guessing and wondering whether Raila’s somasault has any implication on the 2022 political matrix. But suffice is to say that Raila’s famous handshake with Uhuru has completely disorganised the political terrain and thrown every one into confusion.

Ruto’s ambition was pegged on a sustainable relationship between Kikuyus and Kalenjins. The two communities can stick together as long the enemy is Raila. It’s hard to galvanise the Kikuyu/Kalenjin vote if Raila is not the enemy, so to speak. More so, Kikuyus are known to turn out in large numbers if they are voting to defeat Raila. They don’t vote for Uhuru because they love him. No. They only vote to defeat Raila.

9th March, 2018 is the day Ruto will always curse in his life- the day of the HANDSHAKE. Everything was well on course until that memorable day. He was just 2cm away from the Presidency until he witnessed from the window of his Harambee house Annex office as his Presidential ambition was being terminated with a handshake on the steps of the Main Harambee house which is directly opposite.

A few days before that, Raila had been in a funeral in Kipkelion, Kericho County where he warned; “Ruto kama anataka kuwa Rais atanihitaji mimi”,which Ruto lieutenants dismissed. If I were William Ruto I would have eaten humble pie, call Raila and sit him down for a talk. It was categorically clear Raila knew what was coming ahead. And by the way, put yourself in Uhuru’s shoes: Would you ignore an idea to switch from the Presidency to the premiership at the end of your term, just to make Ruto President? No !.

As I said in another article here, Ruto fighting the system is a mission impossible, and it’s self destructive. Ruto’s betrayal was so easy, more easy than any other in the history of betrayals in Kenya. Why? One: Because the system allowed him to pick something here, something there and something every where. Massive evidence of graft, theft, misuse of office is somewhere on somebody’s desk, being updated daily.

Two: The state is still in custody of evidence against him in ICC charges which was terminated but can be re-investigated and re-tried. This basically means that it’s suicidal for Ruto to wage a war against the system, it’s practically impossible. His options are limited, he is held hostage- he cannot get out and he cannot fight from within.

My advice to DP Ruto: Just shut up, be friendly to UhuruRaila,support the handshake and canvass for a slot in the next government- probably a Deputy PM , and live to fight another day.

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WHY Uhuru Humbled Himself, ‘Knelt’ and Begged Raila To Support His Government

By Kiberenge J

After eating humble pie and stretching his hand for Raila, Uhuru must be sitting pretty comfortable that his second term will leave behind a remarkable legacy, unlike his first term when his government was held hostage by looters masquerading as “hustlers” and “sons of peasants”.

Indeed, every time Raila has poked his head in the government, there has been very remarkable progress in the interest of Kenyans including Thika Super High way, Northern &Southern Bypasses, free primary education, devolution,SGR which is Raila’s brain child, just to mention a few. There is nothing of substance to report about in Jubilee’s first term except non existent ghost projects and massive looting of public resources by the so called “hustler networks” from Rift Valley to Central.

Immediately Raila Odinga shook Uhuru’s hand, the shilling recouped it’s strength against the dollar, investors trickled back, the Nairobi Security Exchange shot back to life, the clouds gathered and the skies opened to release rain in plenty. The handshake will not only help Uhuru to build his legacy which was in tatters, but will also benefit Kenyans in terms of development.

One thing a supporters and critics agree about Raila is that his age not withstanding, he is an undisputed creative and innovative thinker.Uhuru must have resolved to dedicate his second term to development when he reached out to Raila. He realised that the so called self proclaimed “hustlers” who surround him are only resourceful in politicking and yelling at opponents, but have no tangible ideas in terms of development and are not useful in achieving the Big 4 Agenda.

That explains why Raila was accorded a special previledge to make a key note speech in the devolution conference- a speech that would form the basis of discussions as the conference comes to an end, unlike Ruto who is entailed to make closing remarks at the end.

Uhuru must humble himself and tap into Raila’s brains to make his second term a success.

Anybody opposed to the handshake between Raila and Uhuru is a prophet of doom, a merchant of discord, a poisonous vile trollers and an enemy of our beloved country, for lack of better words.

In Uhuru’s words, such are fellows who were thriving on the enmity between him and Raila to survive politically. Uhuru realised that bringing together Kikuyus and Kalenjins did not amount to uniting Kenya as envisaged, rather, it only amounted to uniting central and Rift Valley. It’s a fact, indisputable and un-debatable that the only way to unite Kenya from Logichogio to Lamu, from Malava to Wajir, and from Rusinga to Moyale, is to bring together the Kikuyu and the Luo. Debating against this is committing an injustice to solid history. The two communities that influence and dictate the politics of Kenya are the Luo and Kikuyu.

The handshake must be lauded,celebrated,appreciated and supported

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A MUST READ: Key Observations and Life Lessons Picked By Experienced And Successful Young Adults

Central Bank of Kenya Communications boss Wallace Kantai, Photo courtesy

By Kiberenge Jnr

I feel obliged to throw here some random thoughts, observations and lessons I have picked in life.

1) If you stay in rental flats,don’t play loud music.Try to limit the volume of the music within the confines of your house. Don’t assume you are entertaining your neighbor with ur latest collections,it is ANNOYING,he could be reading for exams or has a toddler who is trying to sleep.

2) If you are above 30yrs old,never participate in a road race to try and out-compete other presumably inferior cars.That’s stupid and boyish. Stick to the maximum speed limit of 100km/hr.

3) The most naive thing you can do when buying a 2nd hand car in Kenya is to look at its mileage.There is no way a 2008 car can have a
mileage of 49,000,don’t be silly.

4) If you want to live long, don’t take Kenyan politicians seriously. NEVER EVER….that is my humble piece of advice.

5) If you want to venture into agribusiness, make sure it is large scale. This is one sector that thrives on economies of scale. Planting sugar cane or maize in half an acre and then expecting to make any serious returns is a joke. You will live to blame the weather and the government.

6) Real estate is good but you need to be careful where you are putting up your rentals. If you do it in a very rural area where houses go for 2k, even if you have 10 houses that’s just 20k per month. If the kaplot cost you 400k and you spent another 400k to put up your single
rooms, it will take you 4yrs before you recover your 800k which translates to bullshit.

7) If you are starting those small scale businesses like Milk bar, Kinyozi, Salon, Car wash, pub etc,make sure you invest in CCTV cameras.Your employees can make that place their cash cow. I have been there.

8. Your family and relatives are some of your most important assets you have. They will stand by you in your most difficult times. Treat them well ALWAYS.

9) The easiest way to lose your long time friend is to lend them money.Thats where problems begin.Never lend anybody an amount you are not willing to lose.

10) Rarely does your employer have your individual interests at heart.They can easily let you go without blinking, just to balance the
books. Don’t be overly loyal to your employer.

11) In your work place don’t be the reason why somebody loses their job. Don’t be the reason why some family will sleep hungry, a guy gets auctioned or some old mother in the rural areas is not sent her monthly upkeep. If you must fire somebody, make sure it is VERY
VERY VERY necessary. Don’t be trigger happy when it comes to firing guys and putting people on unnecessary PIPs, some prayers and tears can haunt you.

12) Don’t give an insurance guy your phone number if you are not yet ready to take a policy with them.They can be a pain in the a** with
their persistence.

13) Never keep your eyes off boiling milk even for 5 seconds. The entire carpet will be socked if you stay in a bedsitter like yours truly.

14) READ READ READ. Make it a habit to read books,magazines,blogs etc. It will save you from uncomfortable and awkward silences in round table meetings or dinner dates coz a well read person will always have something to say.

15) High School and College grades are very irrelevant out here. Don’t expect life to treat you with a safe pair of gloves just because u scored As or u were good in cramming a certain professor’s notes. Lose that sense of entitlement and hustle hard like everyone else lest you die poor.

16) There will never be the right time to buy a car if you have Kenyan relatives. If you buy it without a plot, they will be like, si angenunua
shamba kwanza, if you already have a plot,they will be like, si angejenga kwanza and if you have a house they will be like hiyo pesa angemwaga mawe ya rentals kwanza. Before you know it, you are 55 without a car.

17) Office drink buddies and relationships can drain your pockets faster than you know it. Approach those two with some moderation and open eyes.

18) Always let your wife make all hiring and firing decisions about househelps. Never ever be seen to be siding with your househelp. NEVER.

19) Buy a power bank. It can save your a**

20) Never let your power tokens go below 20 before refilling them.

21) If you are a man, never be caught scrambling for wedding cakes, birthday cakes or be seen walking in town carrying a pizza box. It is a very ugly picture.

22) Always have some small money in your M-PESA account.

23) Never ever ask a young couple why they don’t have kids yet.

24) Be careful with what you listen to,what you read and what you watch frequently. These three have a big impact on the kind of person you become. I did a small 5 months experiment of joining a certain facebook group and within a few days the following words were part of my new vocabulary; nunu, lolo etc,it is also a page that demeans single mums a lot. If you stay there longer the abnormal will become the norm. Reason why I left. By now u know which group am talking about.

Ouch!!

The post A MUST READ: Key Observations and Life Lessons Picked By Experienced And Successful Young Adults appeared first on Kenya Today.

Drama: RailaUhuru List Of Advisors To Lead Handshake Peace Initiative Thrashed, Not Representative Enough

By Paul Musyimi

In my view, the list of the appointed Advisors is rather wanting in the following ten (10) respects:-

1. It does not meet the 30% Gender threshold: *out of 14 Members, only 3 are women.*

2. There is *zero representation of youths.* None of the people in that list is under 40 years.

3. *Some communities are not represented at all in that list,* for instance, there is no Indian in that list while other communities have more than one Advisor.

4. *Muslim religious leaders have not been represented at all.*

5. *The list includes so many Members of Tribal Councils of Elders* including GEMA when we know the main stay of most of these groups is tribalism.

6. *There are no representatives of special interest groups* such as media, labour, private sector, professionals and civil society.

7. Some of the *Old KANU stalwarts/sycophants* like Amos Wako and Yusuf Haji have nothing knew to bring to the table.

8. I stand to be corrected but *do we have a representative of people living with disabilities in that list?*

9. *Kenyans living in diaspora make a huge contribution to our unity and disunity as a country,* why weren’t one or two included to bring new perspective?

10. Counties are key pillars in building bridges, *how come we don’t have representatives of Council of Governors and Members of County Assemblies?*

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BREAKING: Uhuru Names 14 Persons To Lead HANDSHAKE Initiative, List Not Inspiring At All

Presidents Uhuru and Raila Odinga have announced list of 14 eminent persons as advisors lead the HANDSHAKE peace initiative; the 14 will assit in the work of the building Bridges initiative;
The 14 persons are;

1. Dr Adams Oloo
2. Agnes Kavindu
3. Senator Amos Wako
4. Dr Florence Omosa
5. Prof Saeed Mwanguni
6. Mzee James Matundura
7. Major Rtd John Seii
8. Bishop Lawi Imathiu
9. Hon Maison Leshomo
10. Senator Mohammed Yusufu Haji
11. Morompi Ole Ronkai
12. Bishop Peter Njenga
13. Rose Moseu
14. Zecheus Okoth

The 14 advisors shall work under the direction of bruilding bridges initiative secretariat which is headed by Ambassador Martin Kimani and Mr Paul Mwangi.

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Dear Uhuru, Kindly Address These Important Issues That Need Attention, DP Ruto Is Your Problem Not Ours

ODM Deputy party Leader H E Governor Ali Hassan Joho, Photo courtesy.

By E Njenga
I still can’t understand how the ongoing handshakes craze is going to deliver the purported everlasting post election peace.

If the thinking is that creating more positions will deepen inclusion, then such a process requires a united front by both the political class and the citizenry.

A divisive constitutional referendum will be of no value to the country.

Constitution amendment should not be done for political expediency but for posterity. The process should begin with a thorough review of the current constitution and the shortcomings noted in the last eight years.

The review should go beyond changing the structure of the executive. There are a lot of important issues such as devolution and the bloated yet moribund legislature, that need urgent attention.

The economic viability of the devolved units should be given more weight. Unless counties become financially independent devolution remains at risk.

We also need to assess how parliament became an impotent rubber stamp under the current system of governance. Many of the ills facing the country can be attributed to an ineffective parliament.

Lastly, handshakes aimed at burying the past rather than addressing it will yield nothing. If handshakes can cleanse economic criminals, the history of looting the country will gladly repeat itself.

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Handshake May Turn Out To Be The Best Political Move Ever By H E Raila, Kenyans Of Goodwill Must Support It

By Onyikwa Onyakundi

The highest form of ignorance is to reject completely, something which you know little to nothing about. That handshake is yet to be fleshed out for any of us to hold any really strong or informed opinion about it. There have been a series of ‘related handshakes’ that have left the media and their so called pundits on ‘guess mode’. The NIS labeled it a ‘handcheque’, but could not sustain that narrative for long. Here is why.

All it takes the older and more discerning members of the cause is a casual glance at similar incidents in the past and realise that if the KANU~NDP merger wasn’t a ‘handcheque’ but instead turned out to be the smartest political move any opposition politician in Africa has ever pulled, and the ‘razor blade’ that eventually felled the ‘Mugumo Tree’ KANU that we had come to believe could not be felled for 100 years, then even this one ain’t no ‘handcheque’.

If, when Raila Odinga ‘abandoned us’ and gave up ‘everything we had fought for’, raised Mwai Kibaki’s hand instead and declared ‘Kibaki Tosha’, he wasn’t doing so in furtherance of a deal in which a cheque hand changed hands, but instead turned out to be the second smartest political move that any African opposition politician has ever pulled, and by so doing hammered in the last nail on KANU’s Mugumo Coffin, then even this one ain’t no ‘handcheque’.

If, when Raila Odinga, against all norms of logic and practicality filed that election petition at the SCORK, and no one gave him a chance ~ not even myself ~ he hadn’t been compromised to ‘throw the match’, but it turned out to be the first time ever in Africa, and fourth ever in the world that a an opposition politician had sent a sitting President back to the polls, then believe me, even this one ain’t no ‘handcheque’.

Baba ain’t in it for the ‘Chedar’. What he sees whilst seated on the floor at the basement car park at his Capitol Hill office, the average Kenyan political pundit cannot see even from a platform atop the KICC. If you got caught up in the emotional ~ but hardly thought out ~ outbursts against ‘Baba’ for ‘abandoning Miguna Miguna’, when he failed to repair his house (among a litany of other signs of abandonment), just swallow your pride, cross the floor ‘aste aste’ and come back to the ever calming shade of Baba’s huge wings.

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Revealed: Uhuru To Announce Raila’s New Position In Government In His Address To Parliament On Wednesday

By Sam Mwangi

President Uhuru is set to make a major announcement that will shake the political divide in the country, he is fine tuning his speech to delivered on 2nd May 2018 to National Assembly dubbed ”The State Of The Nation Address”.

The president will in detail reveal the Friday 9th March Handshake deal with supreme leader Raila Odinga. a reliable source within statehouse intimate thatthe speech will touch the nerve centre of the country’s governance structure and will give a signal that the country is set for a referendum by 2020.

It is also rumoured that the president will announce the position of Raila Odinga in government or the role he will play moving forward.

The constitution as it now gives the president sweeping powers to appoint ministers (constituting a cabinet) and nothing prohibits him from naming any of the ministers a prime minister or chief minister as was proposed in the NASA pre-election agreement with Ford Kenya, ANC, Wiper and Isaac Ruto’s CCM.

Many are expecting the president to announce the unveiling of the 12 man committee to spearhead the unity pact and also announcing of Raila joining formally joining government either as ambassador at large or even prime minister with substantial powers.

Mount Kenya mafia are keen on building Uhuru legacy and therefore bringing Raila on board is a logic thing to do for there shall be nobody to unearth scandals in government, it will be praise and worship for Jubilee leader. Those opposed to the handshake point to the fact that the Odinga’s are user friendly just like Jaramogi declined to take over presidency in 1962 demanding for release of Jomo Kenyatta who later took over and turned against him and presided over the largest land heist in the continent.

In 2008, Raila agreed to join Kibaki as a prime minister despite the fact he had won and went on to help Kibaki build a legacy of an otherwise failed tribalist, to-date many remember Kibaki for infrastructure and free primary education all that were a blue print/brainchild of Raila and his LDP brigade, its Raila’s wing of the government that implemented the projects. On the hand Raila is best remembered as a perennial loser and a 1982 coup plotter despite his super efforts in liberating Kenya and the massive infrastructure development during the Kibaki regime.

Those close to Raila have urged the former premier to let Uhuru take the lead of the Handshake and rollout events from Mt Kenya, to rift valley then to the rest of the county to allow Nyanza and other ODM/NASA stronghold heal from police brutality. They also argue that its Uhuru to de-brainwash his mt Kenya base where he used Cambridge Analytica to spread hate and fearmongering against Raila. He reffered to Raila as Mugoroki and Kimondo during campaigns and thus Uhuru should take Raila to Central Kenya and tell his people that Jakom is NOT Mugoroki.

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The Truth About DP Ruto, No Evidence He Sold Chicken, An Alibi Looters Use To Justify Primitive Accumulation Of Wealth

Gatundu South MP Hon Moses Kuria who is leading the Ruto 2022 brigade in Central Kenya. Photo courtesy

By Gabriel O

There is nothing about William Ruto that shows he is a peasant. His itchy fingers rivals that of a an overfed leech, his ego is larger than the belly of a blue whale, while his vocabulary of insults can only be compared to the primitive ammunition inside a Yanomamo war-room. William Ruto might have been born of peasantry, but he is no longer one of you. You need to open your dictionaries before we continue from here.

I have seen images from that village chicken auction, which happened last weekend. The guy who branded William Ruto’s white cap is as creative as the guy who designed my leaking village omena-shed. There is no evidence that William Ruto used to sell chicken, it is a story villagers who loot their way through the ranks use to justify their primitive acquisition of wealth.

The script is the same; the guy who benefited from Daniel Moi’s state-sponsored looting machine uses his closeness to power to stash as much resources as he can gather, positions himself as his tribal kingpin, destroys the guy who made him king, and now wants to lower himself to the rank of a village sufferer because he is going in for the fight of his life in 2022, and he needs peasant chicken sellers to drop their votes in his bag.

Kenyans are many things, but stupid is not one of them. If there is one thing we have learnt from Jubilee’s first term in government, it is that there is no difference between thieving aristocrats and peasants who loot public coffers. A thief is a thief, whether he is the son of a village leper or that of an aristocratic land grabber. Theft of public funds is bad manners, regardless of who does it. People who steal money meant for the sufferer-folk are not only Lucifer’s step children but are also the real terrorists.

In 1973, Jan-Erik Olsson, a convict on parole, held four employees of a bank hostage during a failed bank robbery in Kreditbanken, one of the largest banks in Stockholm, Sweden. He negotiated the release from prison of his friend Clark Olofsson to assist him. They held the hostages captive for six days in one of the bank’s vaults while torturing them with nooses and dynamite. When they were released, none of the hostages would testify against either captor in court; instead they began raising money for their captors’ defense.

When asked by the Swedish police to assist in analyzing the victims’ reactions to that botched bank robbery, Nils Bejerot, a Swedish criminologist and psychiatrist, coined the term ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ to explain the psychological process that involves captors brainwashing their captives to think the way the captors want, even sympathizing with their captors’ predicament.

Mental health experts have warned that one-quarter of Kenyans seeking outpatient services in our hospitals have one or more mental health disorders. Chicken sellers who plunder national resources to their selfish ends are thieves. Anyone who sympathizes with their predicament suffers from Stockholm Syndrome, and should be asked to check into their nearest mental health facility for psychiatric help.
This programme is not sponsored by anyone.

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WHY Monkey Eaters From Murang’a Are Laughing At Raila Odinga Supporters, It’s Tough Being Tinga Supporter

The most difficult thing to be in Kenya is a supporter of Tinga. This is a burden not many people can carry but those who do, carry it with deep conviction and loyalty beyond this world.

As a supporter of Tinga, his wars become your wars; his enemies become your enemies; his friends become your friends and his brothers become your brothers.

If Jakom is competing with other politicians for the flag bearer of their coalition party, a true Tinga supporter must make the other politicians moles: they will see who Kalonzo spoke with; they will tell us who is the “father” of Mudavadi’s children; and we shall know how many times Wetangula was beaten by his wife. Only Jakom must stand alone, all others must be moles.

If Jakom says “Akiamka asubuhi ni pombe na Jioni ni bangi”, a loyal supporter of Jakom must look for those footages where those mentioned exhibits impaired functionalities from those things like pombe and bangi. Without caring for their own personal safety or those of their families, loyal supporters must confirm to the world that indeed those mentioned are partakes of pombe asubuhi and bangi jioni.

If Jakom says Safaricom is an agent of oppression, loyal supporters must move to another service provider; if Jakom say Brookside is not compatible with the stomach of his supporters, they must content to drinking black tea; if Jakom say bidco oil is the one Jeff Koinange uses to fry his hair, loyal supporters must resist it.

When Jakom says Waiguru is a thief, loyal supporters must produce the evidence for world to see and confirm that Baba is always right and what he sees shaking Uhuru’s hands, no other living being can see standing on KICC.

But the most difficult part of being Jakom’s supporter is having to eat your words when Jakom wakes up and decides that his former enemies are now his friends. You must now admit that those who used to drink alcohol in the morning and smoke bhang in the evening, were actually sober; the former thieves have become great stewards of our economy; murderers and killers only elected by 20% of Kenyans are now legitimate President and lovers of peace who cannot kill anyone.

That is why this morning I would like to salute you loyal and gallant supporters of Jakom, especially those who went with him to Jubilee after the handshake. It takes a lot of courage to think that Jubilee is the best government kenya ever had, especially after Jakom clearly explaining during the elections why Jubilee is an existential threat to our nation.

I hear loyal supporters have identified an enemy in their new house, Jubilee. A word of advice- walk carefully. You never know whose hands Jakom will shake next. You may find yourselves eating back those words you are saying about those whom you have found in Jubilee.

Who knew that you guys will take a detour to Uhuru’s hands?

Sisi bado tuko pale near River Jordan. Should your hosts in Jubilee send you away, you will find us there.

Anwar Saddat

The post WHY Monkey Eaters From Murang’a Are Laughing At Raila Odinga Supporters, It’s Tough Being Tinga Supporter appeared first on Kenya Today.

DP Ruto Cornered By Joho, Asked Two Simple Questions BUT could Not Answer, Why He Supported Dynasties 1992 -2017?

Dissecting DP Ruto’s hypocrisy!
By Kamasasa E

Since 1992 there have been hustlers in the presidential race BUT Dp Ruto campaigned for the dynasties; in 1992 he join the ruthless monied Youth4KANU92 and campaigned for Daniel Arap Moi (a dynasty), he saw no need of supporting a fellow hustler then one Chibule wa Tsuma and Mukaru Ng’anga of KENDA party. In 1997 there were countless hustlers in the presidential race key among them was Charity Ngilu of SDP (famous masaa ya Ngilu but DP Ruto instead supported a dynasty and dictator Daniel T Arap Moi.

In 2002 DP Ruto supported Uhuru Kenyatta 2002 elections which Uhuru lost to Kibaki. Remember Uhuru was Moi and Kenyatta’s project (two dynasties).

2007 Ruto supported Raila Odinga in an election which saw Kibaki fume at the victory of Raila, refused to hand over power and forced the system to swear him in at the cover of darkness (Raila is dynasty)

2013 Ruto supported Uhuru. They won through dubious means (Uhuru is a super dynasty).

2017 Ruto supported Uhuru – the disputed victory (Uhuru a super dynasty again!)

2022 Ruto is telling me that voting in Raila or Gideon is nurturing political dynasty. That I should stand with him as a hustler. If I may ask, when he supported retired President Moi 3 times (1988,1992,1997) Uhuru 3 times (2002, 2013 and 2017) was he supporting hustler or top dressing the dynasty? When he voted for Raila 2007 was he supporting a fellow hustler or he was promoting a dynasty?

Excuse me bwana DP. Let me also vote for the dynasty 4 times before we settled down and support a hustler. I am not a FOOL!

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DP Ruto Smells Hell, Retreats Says No More 2022 Campaigns, To Focus As Uhuru Ordered

RUTO, NAKURU, APRIL 28, 2018, LEADERS

Deputy President William Ruto has asked leaders to heed the call by President Uhuru Kenyatta to stop engaging in politics and instead focus their energies on development.

Mr Ruto, at the same time, said Jubilee was united with a clear agenda of uniting the country, saying there were no groupings in the party.

“We have no political camps in our party. We are united and our aim is to bring the country together to eliminate tribalism, division and hatred as well as implement our development agenda for the people of Kenya,” said Mr Ruto.

Speaking during the launch of the Mavuno Daima Dairy cooperative society in Olenguruone, Nakuru County on Saturday, Mr Ruto said it was time leaders implemented what they promised the electorate prior to last year’s General Elections.

“The only debt we have as leaders for the people of Kenya is development. Kenyans elected Governors, MPs and MCAs during the last year’s General Election with the sole aim of serving them. This is the opportunity for us to serve them because time for politics is over,” said Mr Ruto.

“President Uhuru Kenyatta has told us to focus our energies on development and stop engaging in politics. We should therefore heed the call,” said Mr Ruto.

Present were Governor Lee Kinyanjui (Nakuru) and former Bomet Governor Isaac Ruto.

Others were MPs Moses Cheboi (Kuresoi North), Kuria Kimani (Molo), Liza Chelule (Women Rep, Nakuru), Charity Kathambi (Njoro), Beatrice Kones (Bomet East), Joyce Korir (Women Rep, Bomet), Gideon Keter (nominated), Joseph Tanui (Kuresoi South), Kipsengeret Koros (Sigowet/Soin)

The Deputy President urged leaders to work together and explore ways of solving the problems facing Kenyans.

“As leaders we need to unite and forge a common development agenda for our people. Let’s put behind issues to do with politics because there is time for everything,” said Mr Ruto.

The Deputy President also said the Government was committed to ensuring free primary and affordable secondary education for all Kenyans irrespective of their family backgrounds.

He warned of disciplinary action against the management of day secondary schools in the country found demanding fees from students.

The Deputy President said no one should demand for fees from students in day secondary schools as the Government has paid fees for them.

He thanked the people of Nakuru for supporting the Government since 2013, assuring them that Jubilee was focused on service delivery.

Governor Kinyanjui said the county was ready to help farmers form cooperative societies to market their produce.

He said investors from United States were ready to invest in the pyrethrum sector at a cost of Sh 400million, saying it will go a long way in addressing the challenges facing the sector.

“As county government we are ready to welcome and work with investors whose focus is to help improve the lives of the people through initiation of development projects,” said Mr Kinyanjui.

And while opening the Kiptagich Tea factory, Mr Ruto said the Government would improve all roads leading to major agricultural zones in the country to enable farmers transport their farm, produce to the markets and the factories.

He said tea farmers would from next year benefit from fertilizers to be supplied by the Government.

The Deputy President said the Government has lifted land caveat in Nakuru County but cases before courts were making it difficult for land transaction to take place.

He said once those cases were dropped, land transactions would take place, thus paving way for issuance of land title deeds.

The MPs said they would work together in implementing the Government’s development agenda.

“As leaders we will work together in implementing the Jubilee’s development agenda,” said Mr Cheboi.

Former Governor Isaac Ruto praised the efforts being made by the Government in addressing the challenges facing tea farmers.

“It is impressive that the Government is putting more emphasis in the development of the tea sector which is among the country’s top exchange earners,” said Mr Rutto.

The Deputy President also addressed wananchi during the opening of classrooms in Karao Secondary School.

END

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Why Interior PS Kibicho Wants Governor Sonko Arrested And Prosecuted

It has now emerged that Interior PS Karanja Kibicho wants Nairobi Governor Mike Sonko to be arrested and prosecuted.

Kibicho wants the Governor to face several charges after he allegedly defied his orders not fly a Kenyan national flag on his official vehicle.

Through an amorphous body calling itself “Bunge La Mwananchi” Kibicho wants the police to arrest Sonko and prosecute him. The PS last week is reported to have met the group’s officials at OP led by Henry Nyamiti Shitanda and gave them a down payment of Sh1m of help the group come up with fictitious crimes against Sonko.

In a letter written to the DPP and copied to the EACC, AG and the police IG, the group wants Sonko to be jailed for a period of 1 to 5 years or pay a fine of Sh1m.

It’s not clear why Kibicho wants Sonko alone prosecuted yet even NASA governors likes Kisumu’s Anyang Nyongo fly the Kenyan national flag on their official vehicles.

The OP cartels fighting the Governor are the same that hired Bunge La Mwananchi to try and block the swearing of NASA leader Raila Odinga.

We will keep you posted on the latest regarding the saga.

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“You Will Not Force KIKUYUS To Vote For You” Hon Ngunjiri Reminds DP Ruto At Kameme fm Interview

KAMEME FM INTERVIEW

Yesterday my morning started with an interview by Kameme FM that was broadcasting from right inside Nyeri; at the Inspection Grounds off Gakere Road. The interview was terrific and I was able to make the following key points;

1. That I fully support what President Kenyatta said yesterday during Matiba’s funeral, and followed up at Kenol on his way back to Nairobi. Right now we must focus on the big four agenda and services to the people of Kenya, and not the 2022 debate. When that time comes we will deal.

2. That Kenya is a democratic country and therefore the people of Kenya will choose leaders of their choice without any threats or intimidation – when the time comes.

3. That as a Jubilee leader I respects the party leadership lead by Uhuru Kenya and William Ruto and support the party’s agreement of how we head towards 2022 all things remaining constant. However I find it completely disrespectful that some of us are already speaking about a Ruto presidency 4 years before the fact, and when we have a substantive president in office with an incomplete legacy he’s working on.

4. On local issues I said that our NG-CDF will be issuing bursaries to the people of Nyeri on 8th next month.

5. That plans are underway to ensure that key roads, including the Ngangarithi, Githinjiro & Oilcom-Thunguma road are fixed immediately through a multi-agency agreement between the county, KURA and KERRA, and have lobbied the County government and they have informed us that work is already going on to complete the Mudavadi and Open Air markets.

I then spent a few minutes interacting with our residents who had come to listen to the show, including my good friend #NjariBeba.

#HereToServe

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Drawing Similarities Between RailaUhuru Handshake With That Of Korean Leaders Kim Jong Un and Moon Ja en

By Ogunyo Thiringinyi

North and South Korean leaders met in a handshake today, hagged and clasped hands. This is after six decades of wars and tensions.

Kim Jong Un of North Korea, the World’s most reclusive leader, met his longtime enemy, South Korean President Moon Jae-In to become the first North Korean leader to cross the demilitarized Zone (DMZ) into South Korean territory since the worst Korean War ended in 1953.

Kim shocked Moon’s hand and both embraced one another after signing Panmunjom Declaration for Peace, Prosperity and Unification of the Korean Peninsula. They agreed on active cooperation, exchanges, visits, and contacts to rejuvenate the sense of national reconciliation and Unity. Its similar to Uhuru–Raila handshake that also shocked Kenya.

Similarities with Uhuru-Raila handshake:

1 — Both Koreans were strange combatants since 1953. Their wars escalated tensions in the Korean Peninsula with serious global implications. Today they signed a deal on denuclearization — a nuclear free Korean – Peninsula.

In Kenya, the Kenyatta and Odinga families have been on ideological war path that begun after Kenya’s independence putting the country in serious risk every election cycle. No one knew it will end in a handshake.

2 — North and South Koreans agreed to end the Korean war and escalate talks even with the United States plus other International community. Raila and Uhuru also agreed to expand the handshake talks committee to include interested parties like religious groups, civil society and may be NGOs. Deals are broken that way.

3 — Koreans agreed on measures to arrange for more engagements in future to reduce international tension..perhaps one day reuniting the Korean Peninsula into one single Republic. The two clasped hands, hagged in a symbolic act of togetherness after a 30 minute private conversation (without hardliners) beamed live around the World.

In Kenya, hardliners were brushed a side in first private conversation at Harambee house that reduced national political tensions and reunited the country to an inclusivity that leads to a new dispensation.

4 — The aggressor Kim Jong-Un arranged the meeting and praised “courageous and bold decision taken by Moon to agree. Similarly, Uhuru who took away Raila’s victory after 2017 elections and later reached for Rao in the handshake. He praised his resilience and bold step. Haha!.

5 — Kim and Moon today agreed to establish a ” joint liaison office to organize reunion of Korean families separated by the six decades old Korean conflict. That office will arrange another high level meetings.

In Kenya, the two established a joint committee to draft the way forward. Raila chose his lawyer Mwangi in the committee.

6 — Kim and Moon agreed that the later will visit Pyongyang to rejuvenate the sense of national reconciliation and unity. Here, Raila is planning to welcome Uhuru in his strongholds to rejuvenate a sense of harmony and national reconciliation. Handshake odhi worldwide…

@Thiring’inyi

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DILEMMA: Who Will Rescue DP Ruto’s ‘Fucked-Up’ Communication Team?

Hilarious!
By Jim B via FB

We are ready to discourse about DP William Ruto. But Ruto must first reorganize and reconstitute his communication team and bring on board people with brains.

He should borrow a leaf from Raila and Uhuru. When the two gentlemen knew they gonna go against each other mundukhumundu in 2013, they hired spokesmen.

Uhuru picked Munyori Buku, a drunk who had been doing his bidding at NMG while Mr Odinga went for Ivy League Dennis Onyango, a hawkeyed editor at standard who was once picked by Moi’s special branch from the newsroom and kept incommunicado without food or women before they released him; of course after using his balls as stepping stones.

Uhuru never stopped there. He wanted to dominate the narrative online. So he collected Dennis Itumbi, a crooked blogger, to do the dirty work for him. The rest is history.

Ruto’s Comms team is trash he called from media. Munira Muhammad is not known to be the brightest lamp in the media industry. Only Ruto knows why he picked her.

Immanuel Talam, his spokesman, is the most clueless spindoctor to ever work for a deputy president. He should be binned. Talam should go back to TV and report mews.

But there is nowhere Ruto fairs badly like on social media. Ruto doesn’t have brainy defenders. Kiborek Reuben doesn’t want to kick asses like he did in the past for the hustler because he is eyeing being a Mogotio MP. Goodluck brother.

Steve K Steve is withdrawn these days. His posts majors on philosophy. A sign that all isn’t right. The other lady who was very vocal about the DP got screwed by a politician who gives no shit, became pregnant and went underground.

The remaining nitwits who pretend to defend Ruto are clueless vagabonds. They’re illiterate and ignorant. And they’re pieces of shit tryna get the DP’s attention.

Itumbi and Pauline Njoroge been tryna be nice to Ruto. We know Itumbi wants to go into politics while Pauline is a slayer. The two musketeers are spent forces.

Or maybe Itumbi may consider going back to his hacking business. He hacked ICC website and went ahead to hack Jacque Maribe’s server.

Who is next on his hit-list?

Meanwhile Onyango Junior adds:

I will bypass this hot topic of Ruto’s dangerously disorganized run-off-the-mill communications team and instead take the ball right where it belongs. William Ruto himself is so bitter that he behaves like a bullied child with a tattered self esteem. The problem with William Ruto’s communication is therefore WILLIAM RUTO himself. You can’t brand bitterness, spite, antipathy, ill will, malevolence, vindictiveness, vitriol, virulence et cetera.

I will remind you of a recent incident this week in Kenol,Murang’a when they were from Matiba’s rural requiem. Ruto told the crowd “Mnaona hatujaleta vitandawili, sisi tunaleta kazi na ndio maana hata yule jama wa vitendawili hatatuona 2022…bla bla bla”, when it got to Uhuru’s turn, he was displeased and didn’t hide his displeasure when he said “Na ndio maana nilitafuta ndugu yangu Raila tufanye Kazi ya kuunganisha wakenya. Wacha siasa bwana chapa kazi, uchaguzi sio leo ama kesho…bla bla bla” while interjecting with heavy doses of kikuyu. The same replayed in Waitithie and Githurai.

That said, even the best salesman, marketing scientist or any PR guru worth his salt will tell you this hate in Ruto is so poisonous that it chokes both meant to brand him plus Ruto himself. What does Ruto stand for? what are his values and philosophy? What can we identify him with? What comes to your mind immediately the name Ruto is mentioned? As you attempt to answer those questions, put yourself in the hands of those uninspiring rattled mediocres manning his communication.

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I Have A Problem With Slay King Husbands Bragging Around Yet Their Wives And Kids Look Miserable

Muranga Woman Rep Hon Sabina Chege, mama County. Photo Courtesy

I have a problem with Slay King Husbands… The type who slay outside but their wives and kids look like mathogodhanio back at home.

The men who chafua meza over weekends while mama watoto and the tots have eaten skuma kavu …

Niggas who give hoes 5k for salon while their wives strut around the estates with matutas and mlazo za 150

Men who wear boutique attire when wives borrow shoes from chama mates…

Men who eat fish at Ranalo, Nyama Choma at Njoroge’s and left 40bob for lunch at home or even family is busy hunting for cheap Monkey meat in Muranga

Weaklings who pay school fees at an academy for a Mpango wa kando’s child while his children walk for miles to attend city Council schools, and they do so with torn uniforms.. I loath you with passion.

When was the last time you took your wife out even for chips and soda? Yet you gallivant around town with some yellow yellow dumb ass…

I have no problem with men sampling other cuisines… These things must be sampled… But if you do so at the expense of the woman who forsook all others and bore you kids then you are a piece of shit!

Not all wives are financially independent, please, your pride as a man lies in your family. If you get sick, that woman will wash your vomit, not the niggas you throw rounds for, not the slay Queens you religiously entertain… If it is within your means, make sure your wife and children are catered for. Put them first.

Some have left their wives ushago and only visit during December hols. They send peanuts yet they never miss Ohangla where they leave with a new woman every weekend. Wives go be jo peng ndukonegi proper, dhako ok diel madhoge mapiny chamo ochok.

They’re all over Facebook being petty when their wives are in misery. They cannot give even 1k and tell the wife, shuka nywele or nunua suruali my dear, bibi amechapa kama nunu ya cougar , watoto wameparara na jamaa hakosi mugithi.

You see these women you admire out here, they don’t have diamond crusted vaginas, they’re no different from your wives. Clean up your woman, cheat because you want to change diet but not because these women are packaged more enticingly, package your own!

Then these housewives pia waache kukaa ndee, hata hawaogi. Kazi ni kusengenya majirani and watching soaps… Nitawashughulikia later.

Game ya kesho mlisema tuione wapi? I’m a Red Devil and can’t wait to see Wenger humiliated one last time.

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STRESSED DP Ruto Advised To Resign From Government To Avoid High Blood Pressure, Mt Kenya Mafia Started To Betray Him

By C A Luanda Magere

I am going to be William Ruto’s advisor this once, then I return to my role as Baba’s left hand man!

Dear Chicken Seller Emeritus,

You must resign from government! Ok, that was too fast, let me start from the beginning.

From March 2013 to October 2017, you and “ndugu yangu Uhuru Kenyatta” appeared everywhere together. Practically every function! Small or big. If Uhuru wanted to go check on his trees in Gatundu, you would tag along like a tail. The jury is still out on whether you followed him to the washrooms too, seeing as the man takes very unCatholic drinks, and is a frequent visitor to the small rooms. Some say you were obsessed with following the President around so that he wouldn’t find time to engage with folks with unRuto ideologies. I don’t know.

But you must resign from government!

Anyway, after the October 2017 sham election, you had not been seen together in public, except when seeing him off at the airport on his foreign trips, until the Matiba funeral service at All Saints Cathedral. Let me not beat about the bush. You should have avoided the service! Those of us with a deep understanding of security and protocol matters immediately realised something: Your arrival threw presidential security into a spin because they were not expecting you! You arrived after the president (in some countries, such a massive protocol hitch would get you fired on the spot) because his team had not informed you of his program. You actually gatecrashed the function! When you walked in, the handshake between you the President was as cold as ice. Casual and minus eye contact. It was repeated later when you invited him to speak. He grabbed your hand as he passed you on the way to the microphone, like NGO people greet the hands of villagers lining up for flood-relief blankets in my village. He didn’t even bother to thank “ndugu yangu William” when he spoke, like he did in all the preceeding five years! In a way, they assumed the function was an aristocratic thing out of your depth.

You surely must resign from serikali.

Next day in Muranga, the message was clear. By the way, if you left Kakamega to Muranga by helicopter, in this weather, stop that habit! You are giving people ideas! Anyway, you clearly were desperate to get there because Tinga would be there and would steal the limelight (by the way, TV cameras captured that moment you nudged Governor Wa Iria to go stop any more Tinga words “for the interest of time”). But two things were said, among many. Tinga said “we are no interested in 2022” and Kamwana said “hata watu pande yangu wanatuchimba chini chini”. They were talking about you! It is interesting, everyone knows the system has no more use for you, except YOU. You are like that man whose wife is sleeping with the shamba boy, and everyone in the village knows, except the man!

You must resign from government!

In the history of Kenya, every single Vice President has suffered untold humiliation. From Jaramogi to Kalonzo. Some were slapped like drums on the highway. Some had to watch government machinery get deployed to help someone else become President as they served. The only serving VP to ever succeed the President was Moi, and that took a massive stroke of luck, and death! If you imagine you are going to run a campaign against the system while serving as DP, then you are more naive than a chicken and should be sold by the roadside, to help create the next chicken billionaire! Sorry, I couldn’t avoid that one! If the system has chosen to betray you, they are actually happy when you stay on as DP! It makes their work easier. State guards, state resources, state structures…the works. As long as you continue serving as DP, you are under state control and can’t even speak up about your own betrayal.

The people who control power have decided you are not the one. To fight them for your space, your only chance is to leave government and run a poor people’s revolution. You will not stay in government and criticise the “children of privilege” while your boss is one, his handshake partner is another, and their guns supplier is a third. Your campaign can only be effective outside sirikal. You must fashion 2022 as the liberation of Kenya, by popular revolt, from the rich Lords of Impunity. You see you allowed the disenfranchisement of Kenyans to become policy, where votes don’t count, as long as the IEBC Chair declares the system man the winner. No matter what numbers you think you can raise, it won’t matter, because the dynasties will have the IEBC chair declare their winner! In short, your path to State House is NOT through the ballot. And the longer you stay on as DP, the slimmer your chances of leading a popular revolt get.

But there is a problem. The system allowed you to pick something here, something there, something everywhere! You don’t know it yet, but that is why your betrayal became so easy! The day you resign and start speaking the language of revolt, you will be hauled to court and be charged with 700 counts of theft and corruption. I guarantee you, the files are on someone’s desk just waiting (remember how the President recently consolidated his arrest and prosecutorial powers by fixing his people there?). Which basically means my advice may mean nothing really. You won’t leave government, and you won’t be allowed to be President. I think you should start singing Paulo na Sila waliombaaaa….

Oh, about that small matter of “lazima watalipa deni”, I have read Raila Odinga’s Flame of Freedom and Koffi Annan’s Interventions. They both narrate how you came to the mediation meetings every morning complaining bitterly how the police were shooting too many people in the RV. The media and NIS may have given prominence to attacks on Kikuyus by Kalenjins, but it is fair to say the police largely had the situation under control and the war was going to be contained even without the accord. And given 15 full years after that, it is silly to assume the Rift Valley Kikuyu have been sitting around waiting for another session to be used as target practice. The ammunition that will respond to those arrows will make these current rains seem like a rehearsal.

My advice is, resign from government, go look for Raila Odinga and drag him out of government, go look for Hassan Joho too, then together, bring the house down in a massive crash! Any other way, you will be watching State House on TV the way househelps watch Ramsey Noah all day in those Nigerian witchcraft movies!

For more of such real advice, your people know how to reach me, and I cannot confirm or deny that a few million shillings my way will make me tell your story nicely, like white Kano cotton!

Erowa.

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PANIC: GSU Recce Officer Attached to IEBC Commissioner Paul Kurgat Shot Dead In Nairobi, Unclear Circumstances

Panic has hit IEBC after unconfirmed reports indicated that a GSU Police officer attached to commissioner Dr Paul Kurgat was gunned down in unclear circumstances last night in Nairobi. The attackers stole his firearm. The incident happened along Thika Road near GSU headquarters.

Commissioners Kurgat resigned last week together with IEBC vice chair Connie Nkatha-Maina and Commissioner Margret Mwachanya. Commission Chairman Wafula Chebukati however dismissed the purported resignation saying it was not done formally as per laid down procedures.

Politicians across the political divide have called upon the entire Chebukati led commission to resign to pave way for a fresh commission to be put in place as part of the Friday 9th March agreement between PM Raila Odinga and President Uhuru Kenyatta.

This report piece was first reported at KenyaLiveNews.Com

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Finally, MP Shah Hospital Releases The Body Of Matilda Onyango, Revises The Bill From Sh850K To 25K

The family of the woman who succumbed to her injuries at MP Shah Hospital paid Sh25,000 after the hospital ‘revised’ the initial ‘interim’ bill of Sh850,000. Daniel Moro, the elder brother of the deceased Matilda Anyango, said that the hospital agreed to release the body after receiving the payment.

“I first went to the hospital on Tuesday after being called to witness the postmortem conducted by the government pathologist. Later, I was told I could take the body but delays in the system saw the clearance office close for the day before we could finalise the process,” Mr Moro said.

“I was told to go back on Wednesday where upon arrival I was directed to the CEO’s office, asked how much we had, told them we were only able to raise the Sh25,000. I was told to pay what we had and take away the body,” he said adding that they later transferred Matilda’s body to Chiromo mortuary.

In a statement released on Wednesday, the private hospital said the family was now free to collect her body for burial.

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Nairobi Deputy Governor Hopeful Agnes Kagure Joins Anti-Sonko Camp, Wants Nairobi Gov. Prosecuted

Agnes Kagure Kariuki one of the shortlisted candidates for the Nairobi County Deputy Governor seat has now joined a cocktail of cartels who are fighting Governor Mike Sonko.

Kagure has now enlisted the services of an amorphous group calling itself “Bunge La Mwananchi” who want Governor Sonko to be removed from office and prosecuted for allegedly flying the national flag on his official vehicles.

Through “Bunge La Mwananchi”, Kagure and her godfathers have combined forces to frustrate Sonko’s administration after previous efforts to sabotage City Hall failed.

According to intelligence sources, Kagure has now hired the services of desperate political activist Henry Namiti Shitanda who also doubles as his boyfriend to ensure Governor Sonko is out of office before 2022.

Shitanda and Kagure are part of a dangerous land grabbing cartel in the city and the duo are facing several land grabbing and forgery cases in the courts.

Sources indicate Sonko has already dropped Kagure from the list of 22 shortlisted candidates for the vacant post of deputy governor after she turned out to be a fraudster following several court cases facing her that have now been highlighted by the media.

Kagure’s degree from Chiang Mai Rajabhat University has already been disowned by the Thailand based institution. “This is to state that Agnes Kagure Kariuki is not a graduate of Bachelor of Arts from this university. According to our records, the aforementioned individual does not appear in our graduation list of 2014 as purported in your inquiry letter.” The letter reads.

Kagure has been in the limelight over the past two months since Nairobi Governor Mike Sonko started shopping around for a deputy governor to replace Polygarp Igathe, who resigned in January, a few months into the job, citing frustration. Kagure has been touted in some quarters as a frontrunner for the job and she has been taunting her success in insurance and business as part of her CV. But her past is returning to haunt her after the skeletons began falling from her cupboard.

Kagure has been embroiled in fierce ownership disputes over three prime pieces of land in Nairobi that have found their way to the High Court, therefore casting doubts at her integrity. While she claims to own expensive pieces of land/property in Nairobi, her returns at KRA do not support the figures involved, an indication of underhand dealings.
Her tax returns indicate that she only remitted a total of Ksh154,507 between 1996 and 2017, according to the Star report, despite claiming to have spent hundreds of millions in some of her investments.

She, for instance, claims to have bought the house of the late Bryan Robson for Sh100 million cash in 2011 in Karen, one of the disputes she is fighting in court, although she does not have a receipt. Robson died in 2012 and Kariuki transferred the property to herself in 2014. Roger Bryan Robson, a single man and Kenyan citizen aged 71 years, had made a will in 1997, leaving his estate to relatives and charitable organisations in Kenya involved with environment, wildlife, health and education.

Lawyer Guy Elms, the executor of the estate, tried to pass the Sh500 million estate to the Kenya Wildlife Service and the Kenya Forestry Service but Agnes Kariuki laid claim saying she had bought the Karen property for Sh100 million in 2011, while the old man was still living there. The National Land Commission has, however, disowned her sale documents.

In September 2017, NLC also disowned a conveyancing document filed by Kagure in a land tussle case over a parcel of land in Umoja area, terming it as an “outright forgery.”

Kagure is also embroiled in another property dispute in Umoja area and her businesses do not file tax retains. At some point in 2016 she applied for a certificate to own a firearm, claiming that she handled a lot of cash from her businesses which included Antonio’s Grill, Dynamic Mini Mart, Consolata Pharmacy and The Insurance Consulting Group.

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